i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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