I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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