I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
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So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
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I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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