get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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