You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
