You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize