arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
