Say something about gay babies.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
