Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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