if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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