How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
