New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
