hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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