My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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