Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
