Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
