I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
