Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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