wrigley field is MILF paradise
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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