remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
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He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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