I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
