I think i peed on brittanys purse
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
