Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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