I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
