Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
