Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
