that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
