hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
