Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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