Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
