So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
