Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
In other news, I just burned my penis
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
