the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
