dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he thought i was a dude.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
