Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
