Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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