i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
