She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.