remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!