Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you. http://tfl.nu/kzww
  Replies (25) Good night (1101) Bad night (3013)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line. http://tfl.nu/zp2p
  Replies (15) Good night (1236) Bad night (4397)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms http://tfl.nu/3xwg
  Replies (2) Good night (3560) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him http://tfl.nu/ek6e
  Replies (9) Good night (5667) Bad night (1208)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie. http://tfl.nu/rp9b
  Replies (8) Good night (4047) Bad night (1089)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  which one looks the most like her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up (919): which one looks the most like her? http://tfl.nu/a8tn
  Replies (31) Good night (1425) Bad night (3582)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all. http://tfl.nu/5qpa
  Replies (12) Good night (2241) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet... http://tfl.nu/29zr
  Replies (4) Good night (439) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher. http://tfl.nu/fy1c
  Replies (7) Good night (590) Bad night (1832)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship. http://tfl.nu/wvbn
  Replies (15) Good night (555) Bad night (1464)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it http://tfl.nu/8smb
  Replies (5) Good night (1354) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (358): View more from

  I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (358): I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack. http://tfl.nu/ybt1
  Replies (8) Good night (624) Bad night (1309)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers. (504): This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot. http://tfl.nu/gotr
  Replies (2) Good night (948) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (27): View more from South Africa

  You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (27): You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in. http://tfl.nu/09ev
  Replies (5) Good night (765) Bad night (266)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me. http://tfl.nu/jxfi
  Replies (5) Good night (719) Bad night (316)

Randomize