Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.

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(815): View more from Illinois

if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.

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(718): View more from New York

I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.

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(310): View more from California

i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(714): View more from California

I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going

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(352): View more from Florida

All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."

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(479): View more from Arkansas

The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.

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(802): View more from Vermont

soo... how was my night?

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