Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
