some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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