I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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