i already hear my dad disowning me
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
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My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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