my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
