My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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