The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
