I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
