got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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