why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
