perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
