yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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