I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
