he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
