How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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