I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
