My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
