You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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