how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
