Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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