No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
