you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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