I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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