so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
