Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
