Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
