addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
