Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
