I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
