I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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